To Kill an Immortal
by tt22123
Summary: Alec comes home and finds Magnus using his magic to self harm, he begins to doubt Magnus' feelings for him. Where will the day of discoveries take them? I do not own Shadowhunters, nor the books, unfortunately.


Alec walked into their apartment and was instantly on alert, there was something wrong.

"Magnus‽" the shadowhunter shouted out, gaining no response although he could tell that the Warlock was in the next room.

"What the hell do you think that you are doing Magnus?" Alec ran over to the Warlock who was sat stoically on the sofa, clearly unaware that he was not alone anymore. He fell to his knees in front of Magnus, the watery eyes of the down-worlder flicking up to those of the shadowhunter, his magic stopping and fading away.

"Alexander, you weren't meant to be back yet."

"It's a blood good thing that I am though, isn't it? Why Magnus?"

The Warlock ripped his gaze away from the blue eyes in front of him as he looked down at the burnt flesh of his arm. The fire having gone with his magic but he refused to heal it, knowing his increased healing ability would take care of it soon enough.

"Talk to me Magnus."

"I-I wanted to know what it felt like."

"What 'what' felt like?"

"For you. When you use runes.

"You did this because of me?"

"I'm immortal Alexander, you- you don't know what that is like. Eventually we will all become unfeeling, like a moving statue. I wanted to know what you have to go through, while I still can. I dread the day coming when I am no longer able to feel anything. I can only hope that I get to live a long life with you before that, and that I die before it comes."

"Don't do this again Mags. Please. And what do you mean 'die', like you said yourself, you're immortal?"

"We can still die, but only by our own hand. Nature was kind in that respect. We either lose enough people in our lives that we can end it for ourselves, or we carry on for long enough that we don't feel regret, or loss, or love."

"Is that kind?"

"We can't die otherwise. Think about it Alexander, think about falling in love, you have to watch them die, and then your childre, grandchildren, great-grandchildren. Or you move on with your life, and you meet new people, new friends, you sit there and watch as they get ill or grow old and the cycle repeats. Death and unfeeling are both kinder options than that."

"This isn't right though Magnus. I can't come home, to you, to find that you've been hurting yourself because of my lifestyle. I love you, you're my little one, I can't stand the thought of you in pain. What if one day I get stabbed, am I going to have to come back home to find you with a knife in your stomach?"

"Alexander-"

"No little one, I can't walk in here to find you experimenting with fire and knives and whatever else takes your fancy, please don't make me." Alec was still very private when it came to his emotions, however with Magnus he didn't have to hide. He let the Warlock see the tears that rolled down his cheeks at the thought of the Warlock injuring himself on purpose.

"I'm sorry Alexander."

"I don't want you to apologise for this, what's done is done. What I want is for you to promise me that you won't do this again. I can handle the runes, I can't handle that though."

"Okay."

"Promise me?"

"Yes."

"No, say it."

"I promise that I won't try anything like this again."

"And that you won't try to kill yourself?"

"That I won't promise."

"Mag-"

"No. Alexander, don't make me promise that, not to you. I won't become a living statue, incapable of feeling or emotions. I won't lose another person that I love."

"But I can't lose you little one."

"I'm hundreds of years older than you, why am I 'little one'? And you won't lose me Alexander, not while I can help it."

"Because you are shorter, plus you're adorable. Good, life after you is not any sort of life that I want."

"Me neither, so now you know how I feel, why I won't be making you that promise. Alexander, the day that you are lost to me is the day that I don't want to live anymore. Now, get up here." With these final words Magnus clicked his fingers and Alec suddenly found himself sat on the couch with a Warlock on his lap. The shadowunder wrapped his arms around the man sitting across him and gave a soft smile when he felt the down-worlder bury his face into the crook of his neck. A smile that he reserved purely for Magnus.

"I love you."

"I love you too Alexander."

"So, what was your conclusion, was the pain what you expected it to be?"

"It was tolerable but I have known far worse pain in all my centuries. The worst part of it was knowing that you go through that pain regularly."

"I barely notice it anymore, besides, most of the runes that I need to use are already drawn. I can't imagine living in the past when Mundanes would burn us on a pyre for witchcraft, that would be torturous."

"It was, it was the most that I could do to discreetly kill them with magic rather than wait for the fire to take them."

"Oh, I'm sorry Magnus."

"No roblem Alexander, now, how about a nicer topic or, rather, activity?" the Warlock asked as he moved to claim the lips of the shadowhunter. They had moved in together soon after Alec's failed, in his parent's eyes, wedding as they had told him that there was no place for him anymore. Things had never progressed further than kissing as the immmortal didn't want to put any pressure on the teen. He loved the way that the teen's pale skin burned a deep red with any mention of something sexual as a blush took over his entire body.

Therefore the Warlock was somewhat surprised when the arms disappeared from around him and hands began to undo his shirt buttons. He gripped the hands within his own, stopping any more buttons from being undone.

"Stop Alexander." The teen looked quizically at the Warlock before his brows furrowed and eyes widened.

"Oh. Oh God, I'm so stupid."

"Alexander?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm stupid. My God Im so stupid. I've got to go." Alec mved the Warlock off of his lap before standing and beginning to walk towards the door to their apartment. Well Magnus', he had just moved into it. Suddenly he felt hands around his wrists, holding him where he was stood.

"Alexander, please tell me what's wrong. Please?"

"I- I'm- it's me, isn't it? I should've known really. I'm nothing special, I'm not attractive, I'm nothing. Why would you want me, you're an immortal? It's pity, that's it, isn't it? Pity for the boy who was in love with his straight best friend. I'm an idiot. I can't believe that I was so stupid to think that there was somebody who would actually like Me. I'm just gonna go, I won't bother you again. FUCK! I actually loved you."

"Alexander-"

"Don't"

"I love you Alexander Lightwood, so much so that if you would take the name of Alexander Bane I would gladly give it. Youre not right that you are 'nothing special', you are everything special at least to me you are. You are not attractive, you are absolutely heavenly. I do not pity you Alexander, I never could. You are only stupid for thinking that you're impossible for someone to love. I love you Alexander, with every fibre of my being."

"Did you just ask me to marry you?" Magnud chuckled at the shock on Alec's face.

"Oh darling, THAT was not a proposal, it was a promise that I will one day show you exactly what a real proposal from me is like."

"But you- you don't want-"

"I very much want Alexander. I just don't want to pressure you. To push you. I don't want us to be something that you regret because it is too soon. I can, and will, wait for you until you're ready Alexander."

"Magnus, I'm ready, I want you. I'm ready little one."

"Pehaps we don't use that nickname in the bedroom, eh? I've got an ego to maintain." Alec smiled nervously at the man before finding himself unable to do so as the immortal captured his lips possessively, drawing a muffled moan from the teenager.

"I think I can do that," Alec whispered in reply before he attatched his lips to the Warlock, sucking a nipping a vivid red mark behind Magnus' ear.

"Bedroom?" Magnus' voice was an octave lower and gravelly with lust and desire, a sound which shot directly south. Encouraging the teen to nod before recapturing the other's lip with his own, licking along them in silent request for entrance, a request that was quickly granted. The nexxt time that they pulled back for air, Alec suddenly realised that they were now stood next to the bed they had been sharing for the last few weeks.

He did not hesitate to push Magnus back onto the bed before straddling him and leaning down to continue kissing the man. Sitting back on his heels, Alec resumed his earlier mission of undoing each of the buttons on the man's shirt, licking his lips as more and more smooth flesh was revealed to him.

Once the shirt was remoed, the shadowhunter's head ducked lower until he took one of the immortal's nipples gently between his teeth. Sucking lightly and scratching it with his teeth, reveling in each moan and plea he managed ot draw from the other. After sharing another heated kiss, the younger of the two pulled back looking somewhat nervous, the flush of arousal still evident on his cheeks.

"We can stop if you want to Alexander, we don't have to go any further."

"NO! I-I mean, no. I want to carry on. I really do. It's just, well, it's just that I have never done this before, ever. I don't- don't really know what to do. I'm sorry." Alec spoke these words so quietly that they could barely be heard, stuttering slightly from the nerves, refusing to look at the man beneath him. Magnus reached up and held Alec's chin in his fingers, turning his head so that he was abe to look into the boy's eyes.

"Hey there, relax darling, it's okay. Want me to take over?" The young man began to chew his bottom lip as he hesitantly nodded.

"Stop that," Magnus whispered as he used his thumb to carefully pull Alec's lip from between his teeth. "I'm the only one that gets to bite you tonight." The words were spoken softly before the immortal pulled Alec down to him and took the boy's lip within his own teeth. Licking over the marks that he had left there to sooth them.

Magnus reached down to the hem of the other's jumper and pulled it over his head along with the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. Once they were out of the way the Warlock snapped his fingers and their positions were reversed. The shadowhunter smiled while gazing longingly at the man staddling his hips.

"You know, I quite like the sound of Alexander Bane. I love you Magnus."

"And I love you Alexander," the down-worlder replied before beginning to unbutton the teen's trousers.

* * *

 **AN Do I write more chapters? If I do it will be what happens next in be together, and perhaps then for the day, when it comes, of the day that Magnus takes his way out of losing anybody else. Opinions?**


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